I told you I was fine with being just like this with you, and maybe it wouldn’t matter but I lied. I loved you with all intensity that the feelings broke me to tears every night. I said I’m fine with you not seeing me the same way, but every time I’m home- I dream of you loving me the same. And I know I’m not enough, I wish I was. I wish I was the one that filled your mind and brought you hurricane and peace, I wish I was the one you compared everyone with, I wish I was your favorite color, I wish I was the taste on your skin that you searched for in every touch, I wish I was the song you couldn’t sleep without, I wish I was- because you were to me.
After all the confusion, after the parades and the loud noises that left us with sleepless nights, tell me this morning, did you wake up at peace? Or are there still voices? Is your heart still as heavy as the evenings before? Love you need to hold on longer with a stronger grip. The days to come might be as difficult as the days you’ve travelled. But hasn’t the pain subsided? Are heartbeats more composed, more predictable, are you better now? Tell me, did you finally wake up at peace?
Do you finally know where you need to be, or have you finally realized that the journey is figuring out where to be all along?
Maybe there is a life where you would have seen me differently.
Where when the slightest touch and the simple brushing of elbows would devastate the rhythm of your heart the way mine does. In that life, you would give back the smiles, the stares and the feelings I’ve willingly offered to you.
Maybe we could have started differently where you would learn to love me the way I have fallen deeply inlove with you.
I need you to lust over me.
At night, I want you to dream in sensation and in colors where I have my hands all over your body. My mouth searching for your soul while I’d trace the contours of your hips with my fingertips.
And when you’re awake, I need you to stop and stare in the middle of the day with your thoughts away with me. I’d press my lips against the valley of your chest, and from there my tongue will find its way up to yours.
Irog, I need you to lust over me.
I wonder how your lips would feel against my neck. I wonder how
I’m braver now, I can finally fight for you.
At least let me be your stars.
I will guide you through darkness. I will guide you in your night when all fire has turned to smoke and when you’re far away from city lights. Tell me where you need to be, and I’ll accompany you through the cold, through the whisper of the woods, and against the monsters lurking by. Don’t be afraid to fall asleep, you’ll fall under my light, and I’ll guard you until your sunrise.
And I’ll be gone when sunlight reaches your skin, because you know I live in the night, I can only live where you need me to be, and only where you need me to be. So, I’ll watch you from where you’ll never see the intensity of the fire I burn for you against the blue sky lit by your brightest Sun.
Please hold it still
You see, I’ve been in so many places
And I’ve slept in different rooms
Woke at other sides of sunrise
Way too often than I can catch up to
So you see you need to hold it still
Because I got lost way too much
In eyes of people who loved me less
When I knew I loved them whole
And I don’t know if it’s too much to ask
But please hold it carefully, because
I know too well the touch of calloused hands
Whose warmth I felt but couldnt make them feel mine
So you see, please hold it well,
Because I’ve been here and everywhere,
Been bruised and hurt everywhere, and I’m tired
To get mine broken, so I can pick it up all over again
So please hold it still, hold my heart
Like it’s your, because it’s yours
And I’ve travellled hard to get to where you are
So please hold it still, like it is yours
You knew this is as far as I’ll go
And we were meant to cross but drift apart
But I will always dream of you on the day
when we stood by the shore on a cloudy sky
and it feels like raining but it won’t
And the wind will bring waves to our feet
And the blue ocean will turn white
As they crash to rocks, and we watch in awe
And when I wake I’ll say I I loved the view
But in truth I loved it better when
I had you smiling next to me
Ive talked to my demons last night, they were angry when I failed. Said I could achieve so much more, be so much more. They said I could fly but my feet had only touched hills, when im supposed to be among the stars. So I felt them ache my heart, and bruise my soul and bring me down until I could feel my face at the cold, cold, cold floor. What was I supposed to do when fate seemed to be against me? I didn’t fight when I felt their hands push me away, but I knew I’d fall deeper with their strenght than what the world had done to me.
But The more I listened, the more their voices sounded sad than angry. Sounded like the world had been so unfair to us, sounded like they blamed me but cried to failures. Why were we not enough?
So i let the rain pour down from their eyes until it reached mine. I said calm down, we’ll fight better. We’ll be wiser and stronger,and we’ll learn from our mistakes and when we fall, we’ll rise again.