May I go home to you?
I’m in a middle of a crowd with bottles of beer scattered across tables and this sweet 2000 music playing by the background. Everyone is lost in their own little conversations but my mind had been somewhere else like the words they say sound muffled. I know I’d be coming back to an empty hotel room but I’ve imagined you sleeping next to me. I’ve been praying you’d ring my door and My arms had been spread out to welcome you home, I’ll welcome you home.
I could give you my world and everything else you’d ask, and when weighed, I wouldn’t still be enough. I’ve let you go with a heavy heart, hoping one day you’d change your mind. I count the days and nights, and I know if you felt the same you would have told me long ago.
I still burn for you as bright as when I said goodbye, and I kept the lights on, in case you needed guidance, wishing one day you’d find your way to me.
He was like a messy cafeteria, or an aftermath of a meeting with cups of coffee and plates left uncleaned. He was like the bulding and street lights that made it hard to see the stars in the night sky, and he was broken in his own ways. When she came, she came like a saviour. His nights spent over the phone until they both fell sleep. For quite some time the way her chest rose and fell brought him peace and calm like waiting for the waves to crash into the shore. And he knew a love like that does not come often, a connection between people was something some would look for for a lifetime.
That day he brought with him flowers and words that he had been trying to gain the courage to say for months.
“Just love me, and I will give you the world. Love me and I swear,” and tears rolled down like it was raining on a sunny April afternoon. The words came out from him like hurricane but when it reached her ears, it was like a soft blow of the wind.
I wrote for you countless poetries as if it was all my hands had known. But I reread every word, out loud and in my mind, so you knew all I’d write burnt and scarred first in my tongue. Every I Love Yous repeated over and over as if they would lose meaning, but instead every letter felt like fire leaving traces by the corners of my mouth. It’s so you know that when my words for you were written, they were carefully made so, repeated like echos until they were finally worthy of you.
There was one thing I left unsaid. I made sure the toilet was clean everyday. I bought two wine glasses and a pair of terribly identical utensils. Every furniture from the drawer, the vanity mirror to the table top was made to make my apartment feel cozy. I watered the indoor plants every morning after I wake up thinking maybe you’d like it better if the place was a little greener. I made my apartment after you, so when your foot touches the floor, it would feel like home. I hoped then that I would get the chance to dine with you over home cooked meals, and maybe by a long shot, you’d realize this is a comfortable place where you could spend every Sunday.
Maybe I didnt tell you, but every detail I made I- had you in mind, and I wondered then if these *could have been enough to make you feel at home.
I wonder how your lips would feel against my neck. I wonder how
At least let me be your stars.
I will guide you through darkness. I will guide you in your night when all fire has turned to smoke and when you’re far away from city lights. Tell me where you need to be, and I’ll accompany you through the cold, through the whisper of the woods, and against the monsters lurking by. Don’t be afraid to fall asleep, you’ll fall under my light, and I’ll guard you until your sunrise.
And I’ll be gone when sunlight reaches your skin, because you know I live in the night, I can only live where you need me to be, and only where you need me to be. So, I’ll watch you from where you’ll never see the intensity of the fire I burn for you against the blue sky lit by your brightest Sun.
Please hold it still
You see, I’ve been in so many places
And I’ve slept in different rooms
Woke at other sides of sunrise
Way too often than I can catch up to
So you see you need to hold it still
Because I got lost way too much
In eyes of people who loved me less
When I knew I loved them whole
And I don’t know if it’s too much to ask
But please hold it carefully, because
I know too well the touch of calloused hands
Whose warmth I felt but couldnt make them feel mine
So you see, please hold it well,
Because I’ve been here and everywhere,
Been bruised and hurt everywhere, and I’m tired
To get mine broken, so I can pick it up all over again
So please hold it still, hold my heart
Like it’s your, because it’s yours
And I’ve travellled hard to get to where you are
So please hold it still, like it is yours
You knew this is as far as I’ll go
And we were meant to cross but drift apart
But I will always dream of you on the day
when we stood by the shore on a cloudy sky
and it feels like raining but it won’t
And the wind will bring waves to our feet
And the blue ocean will turn white
As they crash to rocks, and we watch in awe
And when I wake I’ll say I I loved the view
But in truth I loved it better when
I had you smiling next to me
Ive talked to my demons last night, they were angry when I failed. Said I could achieve so much more, be so much more. They said I could fly but my feet had only touched hills, when im supposed to be among the stars. So I felt them ache my heart, and bruise my soul and bring me down until I could feel my face at the cold, cold, cold floor. What was I supposed to do when fate seemed to be against me? I didn’t fight when I felt their hands push me away, but I knew I’d fall deeper with their strenght than what the world had done to me.
But The more I listened, the more their voices sounded sad than angry. Sounded like the world had been so unfair to us, sounded like they blamed me but cried to failures. Why were we not enough?
So i let the rain pour down from their eyes until it reached mine. I said calm down, we’ll fight better. We’ll be wiser and stronger,and we’ll learn from our mistakes and when we fall, we’ll rise again.
Roots of Narra Tree 